Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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