She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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