I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
