Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
