for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A+ Viking dick
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
