My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
