Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
