He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
