he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
