Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
