Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i think my cat just said my name.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
