I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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