Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
