Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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