bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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