This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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