he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
should my penis look like a turkey
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just pee around me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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