So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
