The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
