Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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