I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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