I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
