Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
