It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
