dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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