Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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