At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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