why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
