I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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