he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
