I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
