do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
