I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
