Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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