He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
