If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
