You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
