I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
3 2 1 whiskey
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
