i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
