i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
