just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
