shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
