Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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