If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
