last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
