Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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