I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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