His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize