Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
