Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
