I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
