So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She bit a glass in half.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
