If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
