What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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