Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
