Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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