i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
