I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
kristin has been a bad kristin
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
