So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize