i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
