The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
