Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
