Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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