Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
