he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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