Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
