Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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