I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
