Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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