I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
