u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
